Lanny's Blog

Archive for the month “December, 2011”

My Favorite Movie Villains

I’m going to start off by saying that I won’t be able to mention all of my favorite movie villains. I really wish I could, but I don’t have the time, patience, or wrist strength to type that long. So I’m just going to narrow it down to my top 3. If you think my list is ridiculous or you think yours is better, then please feel free to share in the comments section.

What makes a good villain? Someone who is purely evil and wants to do harm to the protagonist. Oh, and 9 out 10 times they are the coolest character in the movie. They are also memorable and make the audience scared, uneasy and panicked. Here are my favorite movie villains that are subject to change:

3. The shark from Jaws– First of all, if you say you weren’t scared the first time you saw Jaws, then I must call you a liar. This movie kept me away from water for a good while. In fact, I even stopped bathing.

a shark swimming
I was convinced this thing was swimming in my bath tub.

The main reason the shark was so scary was because during most of the movie, you never saw him. This gigantic beast could have been anywhere. You never knew when he was going to pop up and rip off someone’s limb!

The shark was a great villain because he showed no mercy. He didn’t care who was in his way, he was going to destroy anything and everything in his path.

Roy Schedier
Until he crossed paths with this guy. He gave the middle finger to that Great White.

2. Stormtroopers– You may be asking, “why not Darth Vader?” Darth Vader was cool and all, but I always loved the stormtroopers. Sure they were horrible shots, they were easily persuaded by Obi-Wan, and they hardly ever said anything, but you can’t tell me that they didn’t have the best uniforms in all of space!

a stormtrooper from Star Wars
If I owned a stormtrooper suit, I would wear it everyday.

These guys are the best henchmen in movie history. Sure they were pretty much useless and never killed anyone, but none of that matters to me. Every time I saw these guys on screen, I knew there was going to be trouble and a battle. What more could you ask for?

1. The Joker from The Dark Knight– I’ll admit that I wasn’t a huge fan when they announced that Heath Ledger got the part. In fact, I was pretty disappointed with that choice. The first thing I said was, “You mean the guy who does chick flicks and speaks in an accent? Who was their second choice, Channing Tatum?”

Channing Tatum
Channing Tatum should never be a choice for anything.

But then something happened. In a split second, my mind completely changed about Heath Ledger. I ate my words, and was ashamed of myself for ever doubting Christopher Nolan and Ledger. The thing that changed my mind was this picture.

heath ledger as the joker
Speechless.

I saw this picture on a t-shirt at the mall and had no clue what it was. Then after I did some research, I learned this was the face of the psycho clown we’ve all come to love.

The Joker is the epitome of evil. Finally someone took the chaos of this clown and turned it into a character that stole the show. I was cheering for The Joker by the end of the movie because he was just that amazing. Sure, Batman was great, but this guy was a portrait of what villains should strive to be. It was a remarkable role and I’m deeply sorry for ever doubting the vision of this movie.

So there you have it, my favorite movie villains. What are some of your favorite villains? Tell me about them in the comments section!

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3 Reasons To Fear Santa

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a Scrooge and I’m not against Christmas in anyway. In fact, I really enjoy the Christmas activities, such as putting up trees, eating tons of food, and knocking on stranger’s doors and singing them Christmas carols!

Christmas carolers

I'm the one on the right.

However, if you sit and actually think about the things that Santa Claus does, you’ll soon realize that the guy is crazy. I mean, he does things that would land any normal man in prison. In fact, there are 3 reasons why we should fear Santa and do our best to end his reign of terror!

Santa holding kids

"Oh Lord! Not the children!"

1. He’s a trespasser- Every year, this jolly, old man sneaks into my house without me ever knowing it. What is he trying to hide? I sit by my chimney with a loaded weapon and the burglar alarm on, and I’ve never once caught this deviant. How is he doing this? Did he go through some sort of military training?

Just think, if he can sneak into our houses undetected, what keeps him from coming back during his off season? This guy could be watching me in my sleep. Maybe that’s what the song, “Santa Claus is Coming To Town” has been trying to warn us about.

He sees you when you’re sleeping… What a creep!

creepy santa

Good luck trying to sleep on Christmas Eve.

So since good ole Saint Nick can sneak into your home whenever he wants, there’s another problem you have to worry about.

2. He steals– Every year when I was a kid, I would lay out cookies and milk for Santa. I was cool with him eating those cookies because I was giving them to him as a peace offering, so he would give me presents and not murder me in my sleep. (See picture above.)

When I got older, I stopped putting out food for Santa Claus because I wanted the cookies for breakfast. I would wake up looking forward to opening presents and filling my blood stream with pure sugar. However, when I awoke, the cookies were gone. The next year, I left out a note that said, “Steal from me again, old man, and I’ll put an end to you.” This didn’t stop him. Now, every year, Santa keeps stealing from me.

empty wallet

He even took the cookies I hid in my wallet.

1. He abuses his elves– When do the poor elves get a break from working? Never! As soon as Santa returns, reaping the praise from their labor, he cracks the whip and makes them get right back to it. They only have 365 days to make a trillion toys for all the boys and girls, and that means no breaks and no days off!

baby elf

"Get back to work you lazy bum!"

When was the last time you ever wrote a letter to the elves and said, “thank you for all your hard work?” The poor elves get no credit for all their labor. Santa gets to do the fun part and deliver the presents and then hogs the spotlight. During the year, while the elves work non-stop, Santa gets fat on milk and stolen cookies. Where’s the justice?

So the next time you see Santa at a mall, in a parade, or on Christmas Eve, go up to him and let him know that you will no longer keep silent and let him get away with his illegal activities!

Just kidding! Santa’s not real!

James Van Der Beek

Merry Christmas!!!

Dogs are Trying to Kill Us

It was reported in Florida, that a man was shot by his dog. The man was shot while on a hunting expedition that he took with his dog and his friend. What’s even crazier is that this is the second hunter in two weeks to be shot by his dog. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that dogs are trying to kill us.

dog sniper

My God, we're surrounded.

The hunter, who is 78, was shot in the thigh. According to the official reports, the trio was traveling down a rough road, the dog got rowdy, knocked against the rifle and it went off. I on the order hand, believe there is a conspiracy going on.

Yes, the canines have turned against us. They are sick and tired of us dragging them around on leashes, making them fetch our papers, and they are tired of being locked up in kennels.

dog in kennel

Oh! What's that puppy? You don't like kennels? Well now you're going to prison for attempted murder.

The hunter who got shot in the thigh was actually pretty lucky compared to the other guy. A bullet jumped up during a duck hunt and got him directly in the buttocks. I think I’ve heard that story somewhere before.

forrest gump

You can read the full story here. Do you know of any other crazy stories involving dogs or pets? If so, tell me about them in comments section!

4 Human Interactions that Always Seem Awkward

When it comes to social interactions, you will usually feel awkward at some point or another. That’s part of growing up, I suppose. But eventually, after practice and being around people long enough, you will find that social interactions will become less and less awkward.

However, even though I enjoy meeting people and getting to know them, I’ve found that there are still parts of interacting that I find odd at times. Here are 4 human interactions that always seem awkward.

awkward turtle
Awkward turtle!

1. Starting a conversation– I have struggled with this for a long time. It’s hard to come up with something on the spot that’s both clever and will get the other person in a talkative mood. Sure you can always just go up to someone, extend your hand and introduce yourself, but that’s not unique. It’s not memorable. But hey, go for it, I’m sure you’ll do fine.

After you do successfully start a conversation, there’s one aspect that everyone is afraid of….the awkward silence…

Chuck Norris

Side Note: Everyone is also afraid of Chuck Norris. Apparently sleeves and shirts are afraid of him too.

Awkward silence is the worst. It’s that moment where your brain freezes, your mouth forgets how to work, and you have no clue what to say next. You usually know when it’s about to occur when the conversation goes something like this:

Person A: “What’s up?”

Person B: “Not much.”

Person A: “So….uh….”

And that’s when it occurs. That was painful to type, because it brings back so many memories of the awkward pause that inevitably leads to the silence.

2. Winking– I have personally never understood winking at someone. It just seems creepy and off-putting whenever I try to pull it off. It’s like I get confused and forget which eye to wink with and I just end up blinking at someone. That’s not a great way to let someone know they are attractive. It just makes me look like there’s something wrong with me.

However, I’ve never really found anyone who can pull off a good wink. It’s a hard thing to accomplish. Even good looking celebrities struggle with it.

Robert Downey Jr. winking

He's either winking or he's at the beginning stages of pink eye. There's no way to tell.

So it baffles me whenever someone winks at me, or does it to someone else. Maybe it’s a confidence thing, but I just can’t see myself winking on a regular basis.

3. Hugging– I have no problem with hugging people that I know and that I’ve built a relationship with. And I think it’s totally acceptable for guys to hug other guys. No shame there. And it’s definitely okay to hug girls. Ladies?

But what I find to be really awkward is hugging people that you’ve just met or people who  love hugs way too much. If I’m with a close friend and we part ways, I’m fine with giving out a hug. But if you’re a guy and we just said “hey” in a coffee shop, the next time we run into each other, don’t go for a hug. If I’m uncomfortable with hugging you, I literally turn into a statue because I don’t know how to react.

guys hugging
“Oh…okay….thanks for that… who are you again? Stop, that tickles!”

Hugs are like handshakes but with more commitment. You have to know going into it that the other person will return the hug. If they don’t, well then that’s just really awkward for everyone involved and everyone who witnesses it.

4. Ending Conversations– It’s really weird for me when I’m talking to someone, but I have somewhere to be. I never know how to politely tell the person that I need to leave. Usually, I just end up sticking around until they decide they need to be somewhere.

Ending a conversation also goes back to the hugging thing. In your head you’re thinking, “Okay, so do I shake their hand, go for a hug, or just walk away without any physical contact?” It’s the second hardest puzzle I’ve had to figure out.

rubik's cube
The hardest puzzle I’ve had to figure out.

What are some  awkward interactions that you struggle with? Tell me about them in the comments section.

The Two Best Anti-Drug PSAs of All Time

It’s astonishing how many young people are hooked on drugs these days. We can blame society, environment or entertainment for the rising use of illegal substances. I, on the other, believe the drug problem has grown out of control for one reason: Kids today don’t have great public service announcements or cool celebrities who tell them that “crack is wack.”

Lindsey Lohan

Exception: This picture actually keeps me from doing drugs and watching Lindsey Lohan movies.

The PSAs that are on today are pretty lame. They just aren’t as good as the ones I grew up with. What’s lacking is the presence of a great role model.

I was doing some digging on Youtube and found the two best anti-drug PSAs of all time. Let me say that they were made in the 80s so they are sort of corny. However, they are my favorite and I hope you will enjoy them too.

1. Pee Wee Herman’s Anti-Crack PSA– Now I know what you are thinking. “Pee Wee Herman is not a good role model. He got arrested for doing naughty things in an adult theater.” And to that I say, valid point.

However, Pee Wee was a character who inspired children and had an amazing show that I loved. So when he talked about crack cocaine and the danger of using it, you better believe I listened. Check it out.

Now how can you not take this man in a child-sized suit with a red bow tie seriously? He was deeply concerned about our well-being and wanted to make sure we never did drugs. And he never sent us mixed messages about cocaine.

Paul Reubens

Wait...Pee Wee went on to play a successful and rich cocaine dealer in the movie, Blow?

2. Clint Eastwood’s Anti-Crack PSA– I’m guessing that a lot of people didn’t take Pee Wee Herman seriously. So the PSA people sat down and discussed who they could get to keep kids from doing drugs and scare the crap out of them in the process. Enter Clint Eastwood.

clint eastwood

"Look and see if there is any crack cocaine in the barrel of this gun, dirtbag."

Who is manlier and a better role model than Eastwood? No one! Check out the PSA.

After watching that, I don’t know if I’m more afraid of crack or Clint Eastwood. I have a feeling Clint would kill me way before the drugs would. I may have my statistics wrong, but I think there are more youngsters killed by Clint Eastwood than cocaine each year. He seems like a loose cannon.

angry Clint Eastwood

If the cocaine doesn't kill you, this man will.

Do you know of any other old school PSAs? Send me some links or tell me about them in a comment.

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