Lanny's Blog

Archive for the tag “funny news event”

Streaking! At A Youth Soccer Game?

Streakers are probably the only reason to ever watch soccer. Sure, I could waste 3 hours of my life watching grown men kick a ball back a forth only to end the game at 0-0, but I’ve got plenty of other ways to waste my time.

a field of grass

For example, I could watch this grass grow and be just as equally entertained.

However, I stumbled upon this great story that actually made soccer appealing. And if there is one thing I hate more than watching soccer, it’s reading about soccer.

What makes this story unique is where it took place and the fact the streaker was a woman. Don’t get me wrong, I think women can streak just as good as men, but the fact that it took place at a youth soccer match is baffling.

A woman ran out onto the field, topless, with her boobs painted blue and white. She was quickly taken down by a security guard and escorted off the field. The guy who caught it on video alleges that the woman was a little intoxicated.

First of all, why didn’t anything like this happen when I played soccer? I played goalie and the only exciting thing that ever happened was when a ball came at me once in a blue moon or if my shoe came untied. Other than that, I literally just sat down on the grass and waited for basketball season.

a kid playing goalie

Oh…the excitement.

Secondly, this woman shouldn’t have been punished. She was just trying to make soccer exciting, and let’s face it, that’s pretty hard to do. I’m willing to bet that’s the only time in history that people will talk about a youth soccer game after it’s over.

Thirdly, what if this woman was someone’s mother? Holy cow! How embarrassing would that be? I’ve heard of parents getting out of hand at their kid’s sporting events, but this is ridiculous!

But then again, maybe she was just trying to show that she had team spirit. Yeah, there are better ways of showing your spirit like making a poster or a t-shirt, but running around topless during the game might be over the top. I will give her bonus points for thinking outside the box though.

Tell me what you think about this after you read the full story.

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Easter: A Holiday for Violence

This week I was trying to brainstorm ideas for this blog entry. I was trying to think of a clever Easter post that would be both insightful and humorous. However, I failed to construct such an entry mostly because of my laziness and lack of time.

Then it came to me. Just like a chocolate bunny delivered from the hands of heaven, I stumbled upon an amazing story of both stupidity and a constant reminder that the human race is slowly, but surely, evolving back into Neanderthals.

a neanderthal

My apologies to the Neanderthals who read this blog.

I’m actually deeply upset because I was shocked that such an awful news story took place in my home state of Georgia. Way to make me proud… Here it is:

An annual Easter egg hunt in central Georgia was canceled because, in past years, the parents grew increasingly violent when trying to collect eggs for themselves and their children. Now the article doesn’t mention anything about the children being violent. Just the parents.

So now because of the “parents” acting like a bunch of asshats, the children don’t get to celebrate and enjoy a wonderful holiday celebration.

This Easter event is actually one of the largest in the state of Georgia, which means a lot of children will be missing out.

Perhaps, the parents shouldn’t be allowed to attend or take part in Easter anymore. Or perhaps they should be locked up for the benefit of all mankind. I vote for the latter. Just read one the quotes!

Allen said he canceled this year’s hunt because parents caused children to be hurt. He said that in past years, one woman was injured and several children were “trampled on.”

Children were trampled on? I don’t recall that being one of the traditions of Easter. Let’s see, we color eggs, buy chocolate bunnies, take pictures with the Easter bunny, and…what else? Oh yeah! Trample small, helpless children! That’s what we’ve been forgetting.

What I really don’t get is why anyone would become violent over Easter eggs? It’s just plastic filled with candy. You know you can just go to any store the day after and get candy for like 10 cents. It’s not worth going to jail over.

a woman being arrested

"I was just trying to help my baby get some Easter eggs, yall!" If you read it in a southern accent, it's more effective.

What’s your reaction to this story? Share your thoughts and opinions in the comments section and have a Happy Easter. Just don’t trample any small children.

You can read the full article here.

Man Blames Ghost for Marital Problems

What comes to mind when you think of ghosts? Well, they are scary, they haunt people, and they roam around and say “boo!” A lesser known fact about ghosts, that you may not know, is that they occasionally enjoy punching women.

A man in Wisconsin named Michael West was arrested after allegedly punching his wife in the face, which is horrible. When the police arrived at the scene, Michael’s wife accused him of trying to strangle her twice. He then punched her in the face when she called the cops. Like any guilty man, Michael said that his wife “fell several times” and that’s how she got injured. And then, Michael had the balls to say a statement so bold and so stupid, that I was dumbfounded and also impressed at the creativity. He told authorities that, “a ghost did it.”

Casper
This is an amateur sketch of the ghost.

Now I know most of you are thinking, “there’s no way that guy is telling the truth. He’s just trying to get out of going to prison.” But the Huffington Post seemed to think it’d be a good idea to get a paranormal researcher’s opinion to see if Michael’s claims could be legit. I wish I was making this up.

I’m about to show you a quote that I can’t believe was even needed in this case. But here it goes:

“Reports of ghosts attacking people or making them do things are extremely rare and there is no solid evidence to support them,” Ron James told HuffPost Weird News. “You won’t find anyone who will vouch for them.”

First off, Ron James is a “filmmaker who specializes in the paranormal” or as normal people call it, “unemployed.” Second, how are you going to find solid or tangible evidence if it’s a ghost? Aren’t they notorious for being, you know, invisible? On the other hand, there is a great detective duo that has never come across a case they couldn’t solve…

Blues Clues
“Invisible clues? Our specialty. Give us 24 hours.”

Then Ron James delivers yet another quote.

James says the only way West’s claim might be legit is if the house has had documented paranormal activity.

Wait a minute, so if Michael West can come up with some evidence or documented paranormal activity, he could possibly get away with beating his wife? Sure all the tangible evidence points to this guy beating his wife, but maybe, just maybe, a ghost really did do it. It’s not like the guy has a history of spousal abuse or anything. Oh wait…

West’s wife says his violent behavior has increased and there had been a previous no-contact order filed against him.

The article then talks about his “shady, checkered spousal abusive past.” Now I’m not a betting man, but I’d probably bet that this guy got upset and beat his wife. However, I do think it would be hilarious if the police in Wisconsin believed him, and started a man hunt for a ghost.

handcuffs
Pictured: A ghost in handcuffs. Wait. We lost him again.

Do you know of any other crazy news stories or do you have an opinion about this one? If so, share your thoughts in the comments section.

You can read the full article here.

Dogs are Trying to Kill Us

It was reported in Florida, that a man was shot by his dog. The man was shot while on a hunting expedition that he took with his dog and his friend. What’s even crazier is that this is the second hunter in two weeks to be shot by his dog. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that dogs are trying to kill us.

dog sniper

My God, we're surrounded.

The hunter, who is 78, was shot in the thigh. According to the official reports, the trio was traveling down a rough road, the dog got rowdy, knocked against the rifle and it went off. I on the order hand, believe there is a conspiracy going on.

Yes, the canines have turned against us. They are sick and tired of us dragging them around on leashes, making them fetch our papers, and they are tired of being locked up in kennels.

dog in kennel

Oh! What's that puppy? You don't like kennels? Well now you're going to prison for attempted murder.

The hunter who got shot in the thigh was actually pretty lucky compared to the other guy. A bullet jumped up during a duck hunt and got him directly in the buttocks. I think I’ve heard that story somewhere before.

forrest gump

You can read the full story here. Do you know of any other crazy stories involving dogs or pets? If so, tell me about them in comments section!

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