Lanny's Blog

Archive for the month “March, 2012”

3 Things I Didn’t Like About The Hunger Games

First off, I want to say that I really enjoyed The Hunger Games, and would most likely go see it again. I thought it was a really creative idea and did a great job of bringing the book to life. Did I read the book? No. All I had to do was find a 13-year-old girl who explained it to me in every detail.

spark notes

It was like a quicker, yet more annoying version of Spark Notes.

However, I’ll admit that there were 3 things I didn’t like about The Hunger Games. Not all of them have to do with the movie, but mostly the overall experience.

3. I was sitting in a sea of teenagers- I remember what it was like to be a teenager. In fact, I use to be one. But for some reason, I felt so out of place seeing The Hunger Games. Maybe it’s the fact that I can grow a beard or drive a car?

What it boiled down to was it felt like I was in a conversation where I knew nothing about the topic. Everyone was talking about the book and I had no idea what it was even about.

What was really odd was that when the movie started, everybody started clapping and I felt like I was in high school all over again. All the cool kids were clapping like it was an inside thing, and I felt left out.

a kid left out

Not even my invisible friends hung out with me.

It was a very surreal experience to be in a theatre with so many young people. They were full of energy, life and excitement. All those things started to fade for me around the age of 18.

My initial thought was to run away, but luckily, an old man and a few people my age walked in later, so I didn’t feel that badly.

2. The movie should have been rated R– Think about that for a second. Okay, good. This is the one big complaint I had with this movie.

If the Hunger Games had received an R rating, there would have been so much more violence and blood. Which, let’s be honest, that’s what most people wanted to see anyways. I didn’t care anything about the romance or back story, just get to the part where it’s every man for himself!

I understand that if the movie was rated R, then the target demographic couldn’t have gone to see it. But now that I’m over the age of 21, I don’t care about the people who are too young. I’m old enough! If it had been rated R, maybe the camera wouldn’t have been so shaky during the fight scenes and I could have left the theatre without a headache.

a guy with a headache

I'm not sure if this guy has a headache or telepathic abilities.

If the movie had an R rating, I think the actions scenes would have been a lot deeper and realistic. I mean, how often do you get to watch kids in an arena engaging in combat? It’s a pretty rare occurrence.

1. I had to sit through some crappy previews- Unfortunately, there were some pretty horrible previews before the movie started. I also believe that I was in a theatre with every Twilight fan in the county.

As soon as they showed the Twilight 20 second preview, all I could hear was high-pitched voices squealing. I’m just glad that they are finally putting an end to the series. Even though, 3 or 4 years from now, they will most likely do a reboot.

But then, I started thinking. Will the Hunger Games take over and be the new Twilight movies? This is a real concern to me because I think I’m going to enjoy the series, but I don’t want to be surrounded by squealing tweens when I decide to go to the theatre, but I digress.

Luckily, there were some previews to make me feel more comfortable. The Avengers and Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter were two of the exceptions, but if I see the preview for Battleship or GI Joe: Retaliation one more time, I might just lose my mind.

Anyways, what did you think of the Hunger Games? Are you a bigger fan of the book or the film? Let me know in the comments section!

Jennifer Lawrence

And yes, the best part of the movie was Jennifer Lawrence. Just kidding, it was Lenny Kravitz!

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True Story, Bro #2- The Ric Flair Conflict

This story happened many years ago. I was a young boy, about 6 years old to be exact. Now at that age, I was a huge professional wrestling fan. Nothing brought me greater joy than to watch two grown men slap, clothesline and dropkick one another until there was only one man standing. And you better believe that in my day wrestling was real…er than it is today.

My brother and I loved to watch wrestling on Tv. We watched every match and spent countless hours perfecting moves such as the Pile Driver, the elbow drop, and the Figure Four Leg Lock. Each move was a science. An art, if you will.

a kid wrestler

Who would mess with this?

There was, however, a tension in the family. At that time, my favorite wrestlers were Sting and Hulk Hogan. They were the good guys that always came back to win the big matches in the end. My dad, on the other hand, was a Ric Flair fan. I personally couldn’t stand Ric Flair, aka The Nature Boy.

Now that you have some background story, let me get to what I really want to cover.

My parents found out that the WCW was putting on an event near where we lived. We got tickets and I was beyond psyched. I couldn’t wait to see all of my favorite wrestlers in person.

The night before the big event, we decided to make posters to hold up during the matches. Since my favorite wrestler was Sting, and I knew he was going to be there, I drew a picture of him on a huge posterboard.

In my defense, I was very young. My artistic abilities hadn’t fully developed yet, I knew nothing of shading and…okay, who am I kidding, I still suck at drawing. However, that’s not the point.

The point is that I was so proud of my picture. I couldn’t wait to hold it up and show my support for Sting. I was so excited!

The big day came. I was ready. I had my posters and I was good to go.

We got to the arena and had floor seats, which meant we could see all the action. We were right there at ringside with all of my heroes.

That night I shook hands with a few legends, like “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan.

Hacksaw Jim Duggan

If this doesn't make you proud to be an American, then nothing will.

He seemed like a really nice guy. He shook hands with all the kids and took time to say hey. It was awesome! 

That night we watched some really great matches. Even the nobodies that wrestled were pretty exciting. In fact, I’m pretty sure Triple H was one of the wrestlers. He was a like a french guy or something back then and he got beat up a few times that night. But that’s neither here nor there.

Eventually, the crowd grew tired of the nobodies. We were there to see  two of the biggest names in wrestling entertainment.

The big event finally came. Sting Vs. Ric Flair. My heart was racing, my palms were sweating and I was filled with joy!

Ric Flair came out and everyone booed him! It was glorious! And then Sting came out and everyone went crazy. We were all ready to watch him put an end to The Nature Boy, Ric Flair.

Both wrestlers got in the ring, and moved around to warm up. At this point, I knew this was my big moment. I was going to hold up my poster so Sting could see it.

It all happened in slow motion. I removed the rubber band, unfolded the poster and held it up and Sting saw it. I couldn’t believe it. My dream had come true.

However, the moment was quickly ruined by the laughter of Ric Flair. He was laughing his ass off at my poster. He pointed at my amazingly accurate portrait of Sting, then pointed at Sting and laughed just like this…

During his uncontrollable laughter, I heard him say, “Sting! That’s suppose to be you! Bahahaha!”

My poor little six-year old heart was broken. It was quite embarrassing to say the least. I hid my poster and refused to hold it up again. That was the day that I learned to hate Ric Flair. He just kept laughing and laughing, and it still haunts my dreams to this day.

Ric Flair

This is what I see when I close my eyes.

True story, bro.

3 Reasons I Won’t Survive a Zombie Apocalypse

Let’s face it. A zombie apocalypse is inevitable. It’s going to happen.

Okay so maybe it won’t, but I do think it would be a cool way for the world to end. Not that I want it to. I’m just saying.

When people talk of a zombie takeover, pretty much everyone thinks they will be that one person to survive. They believe they have what it takes to be the lucky one to save civilization and put an end to the zombies.

However, I’m more realistic. I know for a fact that I would make it a few days or a few weeks tops. As I was sitting, thinking about how I would handle the end of the world, I realized that there are 3 reasons I wouldn’t survive a zombie apocalypse.

1) I hate running– I’ve always had this problem even when I played sports. I just don’t like running. Let me be more specific, I don’t like running long distances.

So basically, my survival would come down to if the zombies were walkers or runners. If they are just walking around and moaning or casually jogging, then yeah, I stand a pretty good shot of living for a while because I’m pretty quick.

If they are capable of running, well then I’ll see you in the afterlife. All they would have to do is chase me about a mile, then I would start cramping up and breathing very heavily, making me an easy target.

hot sauce

Another easy target; people covered in hot sauce.

2) I have terrible aim– In most zombie movies, the people with guns usually live longer. All you have to do is aim and shoot, right? I’ve been to the shooting range a few times, and from experience, I know that my aim is horrific. I can’t hit a target that is ten feet in front of me and it’s not even moving.

If the zombies are running, walking or crawling towards me, I’m not going to be able to hit them. Maybe when they get extremely close, I’d have better luck. However, if there was a large group of them, there is no way I would have time to take them all out. I might as well just tuck tail and run. But then again, I hate running.

Another problem I have is that I’m right hand dominant and left eye dominant, so that really screws up my aim. I either have to switch hands or switch eyes. So either way, I’m using one of my weaker sides. Let’s just hope I can get my hands on a shotgun or a machine gun and not a Civil War era musket.

1) I would let emotion get in the way- If you’re living in a world filled with flesh-eating zombies, you have to have a heart of stone. You can’t show any emotion and you have to put feelings aside in order to survive.

a puppy

"Oh look! An adorable puppy! I must save it!"

And that’s all it would take. I’d be eaten alive all because I couldn’t let a sweet, little creature roam around this crazy world alone. I’d run outside and be taken over by the zombies. And most likely, the puppy would just scamper away and find some other sucker. But this would be a problem for me. Every stray animal or person I came across, I’d feel so obligated to help them. If the zombies could wear disguises and be friendly, I would be very easily tricked.

zombie

"Sure I can loan you some money...holy crap! You're a zombie!"

Sad but true. How long do you think you would last in a world of zombies? Leave your thoughts and opinions in the comments section or on my Facebook page!

G.I Joe No!

I’m confused as to why anyone thinks there should be a sequel to G.I. Joe. Were we not punished enough with the first one? I understand that Hollywood is desperate to make money, but I just can’t believe they are doing a sequel. What’s next? A sequel to Ghost Rider?

Ghost Rider Spirit of Vengeance poster
Touche, Hollywood.

Let me explain just how awful I thought the first film was. (G.I. Joe, not Ghost Rider. I can’t write a blog about Ghost Rider because of all the profanity I would use due to my rage and disgust.) When G.I. Joe came out, I had just received two free movie passes from my orthodontist because he was honored to work on such beautiful teeth.

Anyways, I decided to use the two free passes because my dad wanted to see the movie, and I was curious to see how badly they were going to destroy my childhood. I also used the passes, because I’m a good son and believed that no one should waste hard-earned money on a craptastic film.

monopoly money
Even giving this movie fake money would be too generous.

Long story short, we saw the movie and I was so upset that I wasted those passes. I might as well have just flushed them down the toilet. We didn’t see a movie. We saw an abomination. A slap in the face. A shot to the the groin. I think three examples is enough.

Even though the movie was free, I still felt like I deserved a refund or an apology or something. However, it was my choice to go see it. And I accept the consequences of my actions. However…

What bothered me the most is that some casting director in this crazy, mixed up world thought Channing Tatum would be a good choice for Duke. The guy uses the same damn expression for every emotion. I can just imagine what the director went through.

“Okay Channing, show me angry.”

Channing Tatum

“Okay good. Now show me happy.”

Channing Tatum

“Okay…I guess that works…now pretend you just won the lottery!”

Channing Tatum

“Okay, let’s let you keep dancing and taking your shirt off. Those seem to be your strengths. Congratulations, you got the part!”

Channing Tatum

This guy is a bad actor. But, he is good at pulling in the female demographic, proving that the ladies are just as shallow as men. Not all of them. Just most of them.

What’s even worse is that that they had Joseph Gordon-Levitt and they just wasted his talent.

What really kills me is the fact that they have to incorporate even bigger stars into the sequel in order to draw people in. I’m curious how that meeting went down. Allow me to recreate it for you.

Person A: “Okay guys, we have a horrible script and terrible effects. What big name stars can we throw into the mix in order to draw in more morons?”

Person B: “Samuel L. Jackson?”

A: “No! He’s too busy starring in the Avengers movie and wearing an eye patch.”

B:  “Brendan Fraser?”

A: “We already used up all his star power. Who else?”

B: “Ummm…Bruce Willis and The Rock?”

A: “Perfect! Now if only we can get that Dakota Fanning girl again!”

B: “You mean Channing Tatum?”

So basically I’m saying that I’m dumbfounded that they would make a sequel. Come on Hollywood, you’re better than that.

What do you think of the movie, G.I. Joe and the new upcoming sequel. Let me know your thoughts and leave some comments.

And if Channing Tatum reads this, I’m still waiting for my apology.

duke

Yeah, I'm talking to you, you one expression puppet. I should look on the bright side. At least you didn't ruin Captain America. Chris Evans handled that.

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