Lanny's Blog

G.I Joe No!

I’m confused as to why anyone thinks there should be a sequel to G.I. Joe. Were we not punished enough with the first one? I understand that Hollywood is desperate to make money, but I just can’t believe they are doing a sequel. What’s next? A sequel to Ghost Rider?

Ghost Rider Spirit of Vengeance poster
Touche, Hollywood.

Let me explain just how awful I thought the first film was. (G.I. Joe, not Ghost Rider. I can’t write a blog about Ghost Rider because of all the profanity I would use due to my rage and disgust.) When G.I. Joe came out, I had just received two free movie passes from my orthodontist because he was honored to work on such beautiful teeth.

Anyways, I decided to use the two free passes because my dad wanted to see the movie, and I was curious to see how badly they were going to destroy my childhood. I also used the passes, because I’m a good son and believed that no one should waste hard-earned money on a craptastic film.

monopoly money
Even giving this movie fake money would be too generous.

Long story short, we saw the movie and I was so upset that I wasted those passes. I might as well have just flushed them down the toilet. We didn’t see a movie. We saw an abomination. A slap in the face. A shot to the the groin. I think three examples is enough.

Even though the movie was free, I still felt like I deserved a refund or an apology or something. However, it was my choice to go see it. And I accept the consequences of my actions. However…

What bothered me the most is that some casting director in this crazy, mixed up world thought Channing Tatum would be a good choice for Duke. The guy uses the same damn expression for every emotion. I can just imagine what the director went through.

“Okay Channing, show me angry.”

Channing Tatum

“Okay good. Now show me happy.”

Channing Tatum

“Okay…I guess that works…now pretend you just won the lottery!”

Channing Tatum

“Okay, let’s let you keep dancing and taking your shirt off. Those seem to be your strengths. Congratulations, you got the part!”

Channing Tatum

This guy is a bad actor. But, he is good at pulling in the female demographic, proving that the ladies are just as shallow as men. Not all of them. Just most of them.

What’s even worse is that that they had Joseph Gordon-Levitt and they just wasted his talent.

What really kills me is the fact that they have to incorporate even bigger stars into the sequel in order to draw people in. I’m curious how that meeting went down. Allow me to recreate it for you.

Person A: “Okay guys, we have a horrible script and terrible effects. What big name stars can we throw into the mix in order to draw in more morons?”

Person B: “Samuel L. Jackson?”

A: “No! He’s too busy starring in the Avengers movie and wearing an eye patch.”

B:  “Brendan Fraser?”

A: “We already used up all his star power. Who else?”

B: “Ummm…Bruce Willis and The Rock?”

A: “Perfect! Now if only we can get that Dakota Fanning girl again!”

B: “You mean Channing Tatum?”

So basically I’m saying that I’m dumbfounded that they would make a sequel. Come on Hollywood, you’re better than that.

What do you think of the movie, G.I. Joe and the new upcoming sequel. Let me know your thoughts and leave some comments.

And if Channing Tatum reads this, I’m still waiting for my apology.


Yeah, I'm talking to you, you one expression puppet. I should look on the bright side. At least you didn't ruin Captain America. Chris Evans handled that.


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6 thoughts on “G.I Joe No!

  1. Oh! Leave Channing alone! He’s ADORABLE! Didn’t you see The Vow??

  2. Sydnah on said:

    I’m glad we have mutual views on Channing Tatum. I haven’t seen the movie, but now I will be sure to stray far from it.

  3. A man on said:

    Sienna Miller is so hot, though.

    But wasting JGL’s talent is definitely a crime.

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