Lanny's Blog

3 Reasons I Won’t Survive a Zombie Apocalypse

Let’s face it. A zombie apocalypse is inevitable. It’s going to happen.

Okay so maybe it won’t, but I do think it would be a cool way for the world to end. Not that I want it to. I’m just saying.

When people talk of a zombie takeover, pretty much everyone thinks they will be that one person to survive. They believe they have what it takes to be the lucky one to save civilization and put an end to the zombies.

However, I’m more realistic. I know for a fact that I would make it a few days or a few weeks tops. As I was sitting, thinking about how I would handle the end of the world, I realized that there are 3 reasons I wouldn’t survive a zombie apocalypse.

1) I hate running– I’ve always had this problem even when I played sports. I just don’t like running. Let me be more specific, I don’t like running long distances.

So basically, my survival would come down to if the zombies were walkers or runners. If they are just walking around and moaning or casually jogging, then yeah, I stand a pretty good shot of living for a while because I’m pretty quick.

If they are capable of running, well then I’ll see you in the afterlife. All they would have to do is chase me about a mile, then I would start cramping up and breathing very heavily, making me an easy target.

hot sauce

Another easy target; people covered in hot sauce.

2) I have terrible aim– In most zombie movies, the people with guns usually live longer. All you have to do is aim and shoot, right? I’ve been to the shooting range a few times, and from experience, I know that my aim is horrific. I can’t hit a target that is ten feet in front of me and it’s not even moving.

If the zombies are running, walking or crawling towards me, I’m not going to be able to hit them. Maybe when they get extremely close, I’d have better luck. However, if there was a large group of them, there is no way I would have time to take them all out. I might as well just tuck tail and run. But then again, I hate running.

Another problem I have is that I’m right hand dominant and left eye dominant, so that really screws up my aim. I either have to switch hands or switch eyes. So either way, I’m using one of my weaker sides. Let’s just hope I can get my hands on a shotgun or a machine gun and not a Civil War era musket.

1) I would let emotion get in the way- If you’re living in a world filled with flesh-eating zombies, you have to have a heart of stone. You can’t show any emotion and you have to put feelings aside in order to survive.

a puppy

"Oh look! An adorable puppy! I must save it!"

And that’s all it would take. I’d be eaten alive all because I couldn’t let a sweet, little creature roam around this crazy world alone. I’d run outside and be taken over by the zombies. And most likely, the puppy would just scamper away and find some other sucker. But this would be a problem for me. Every stray animal or person I came across, I’d feel so obligated to help them. If the zombies could wear disguises and be friendly, I would be very easily tricked.

zombie

"Sure I can loan you some money...holy crap! You're a zombie!"

Sad but true. How long do you think you would last in a world of zombies? Leave your thoughts and opinions in the comments section or on my Facebook page!

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