Lanny's Blog

Archive for the tag “movie humor”

A Letter To Jason Statham

Mr. Statham,

First of of all, let me say that I have enjoyed a few of the movies that you have been in. Of course, most of the movies I enjoyed were because of the other actors, but nevertheless, you were in them.

I thought Snatchwas an absolutely brilliant film. Sure you were in Brad Pitt’s shadow the whole time, however you did an excellent job.

It just seems like when you star in a movie, you keep playing the same character and you keep repeating the same plot. We get it…you’re a badass, you’re really good at karate and you enjoy shooting people.

I’m ashamed to say this, but I started referring to your movies as Transporter sequels. For instance, you have a new movie coming out called Parker, but I refer to it as, The Transporter 7.

I understand that you’re an action movie kind of guy, but I also believe that you can spread your wings and do something different. Now I’m not telling you to go down the same path as Gerard Butler and start making chick-flicks or movies about surfing and soccer. I’m just asking you to take a break from action movies.

Playing For Keeps poster

How do you go from 300 to this?

Look, it’d be different if there was some difference or new flavor to your movies. But you pretty much play the same character over and over again. You’re always some guy who has to face impossible odds in order to save someone or kill someone. And along the way you fight a group of bad guys (with your shirt off) and show off your karate moves and you sleep with the female lead. Also, on most posters you are pointing or holding a gun.

Also, you always seem to pick movies with horrible titles that any 10 year old could have made up. The Transporter, Death Race, Safe, Crank and Parker are all pretty unoriginal movie titles.

And yes, I know you tried to branch out with the kid’s movie Gnomeo & Juliet, but let’s face it, no one really knew you were in that movie. I only know because I stumbled across it on IMDB.  And you only gave your voice to it, so technically it doesn’t really count.

I understand that action movies are your bread and butter. The only problem is that the bread is moldy and the butter is dog feces. And you just keep spreading it and spreading it thinking that no one will notice.

Don’t get me wrong here, Mr. Statham, I have enjoyed some moments from your movies. I really enjoyed the original Transporter and your movies do have some pretty good action scenes. With the exception of the time you flipped your car and a crane pulled a bomb off the bottom.

That was just plain ridiculous and you know it.

I guess the point I’m trying to make it that I think you can do better and you’re selling yourself short, man. But then again, what do I know? Stay on the same path if you want, and I’ll keep my eyes open for more sequels to The Transporter, or even worse, The Expendables 3.

Expendables 2 poster

Yikes.

Yours truly, madly and deeply,

Some random guy.

What’s your favorite or least favorite Jason Statham movie? Tell me about it in the comments.

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4 Underrated Comedies You Should Check Out

Sometimes it’s weird to see which comedies become really successful and which become box office flops. But rest assured, if it’s got Adam Sandler or Eddie Murphy in it, you can pretty much expect it to flop. And if they ever do a movie together, you can expect the horsemen of the apocalypse to follow soon after.

Today, I want to talk about some comedies that I thought were pretty hilarious but didn’t do too well when it came to making money. If you get the chance to see any of these gems, I highly recommend you do so. So here are my top 4 underrated comedies.

4. Zoolander- I’ll admit, the first time I saw Zoolander, I didn’t get it. I thought it was so stupid. But this movie aged like a fine wine. Now, every time I watch it, I find more hilarious quotes that I use at inappropriate times during every day situations.

In my opinion, this is one of Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson’s best comedies. The premise of the movie and the plot is so ridiculous that you can’t help but fall in love with the stupidity.

Basically, this movie shows the true mature of the male modeling world. We finally get to see how hard it is to be “really really ridiculously good-looking.” And with the help of Will Ferrell, Billy Zane and David Bowie, you have some pretty incredible laughs along the way.

Here’s one of my favorite scenes where Zoolander is challenged to a walk-off:

3. Pootie Tang– I chose this movie because it was written and directed by Louis C.K. who has been named one of the top comedians of today. Unfortunately, this movie was not a big moment in his career, even though I enjoyed it.

In the movie, the main character, Pootie Tang, talks in his own language, has a magical belt, and is famous for his singing, his public service announcements and defeating crime.

I’m sure that probably makes no sense, but it does have some great moments, like when Pootie records his new single that blows everyone’s mind:

2. Night at the Roxbury- Most SNL movies based off of skits usually aren’t very good. However, this movie is the exception to the rule. The brilliant combination of Will Ferrell and Chris Kattan brings more laughs than I can count. This movie has a ton of hilarious quotes and is all around amazing.

The story follows two brothers, Doug and Steve Butabi, as they go around to clubs with big dreams and no common sense. Their entire lives revolve around picking up women and hitting up every club they can all while dancing to Haddaway’s hit song, “What Is Love?”

From their absolute stupidity, ridiculous pick-up lines and their crazy story about meeting Emilio Estevez, this movie provides a ton of laughs.

1. The Sasquatch Gang- I’ve saved the best for last. This movie truly changed my life, but it takes a certain kind of sense of humor to truly enjoy it. Some people get it, and others simply won’t.

This movie was made by the same people who brought you Napoleon Dynamite. And even though most fans won’t admit it, this movie is better.

It stars Justin Long, Carl Weathers, the guy who played Uncle Rico, and a bunch of other actors who I don’t care to learn their names.

This movie is about a group of friends who find Sasquatch foot prints and a Sasquatch turd in the woods.They report it to the police and everyone is excited to capture the Bigfoot. Little do they know that they are actually the victims of a prank started by two morons trying to make some money. This is a film that you just have to experience for yourself.

Here is one of the best scenes. If you don’t like it, then this movie and the subtle humor may not be your cup of tea:

What are some underrated comedies that you enjoy? Tell me about them in the comments section!

If The 2012 GOP Nomination Was a Movie

I think it would be a great idea if Disney or some other company picked up the rights to the 2012 GOP Nomination and made a movie. Just think, it could cover the whole story of how Mitt Romney rose to greatness and eventually became the nominee. However, there would need to be a supporting cast. Luckily for Disney or whoever, I’ve already made the cast list for them. You’re welcome. Just put the check in the mail.

Mitt Romney would be played by…

Bruce Campbell

Rick Perry would be played by…

Josh Brolin

Newt Gingrich would be played by…

Emperor Palpatine

Rick Santorum would be played by…

Jerry Seinfeld

Ron Paul would be played by…

Magneto

Michelle Bachman would be played by…

Sarah Palin

Herman Cain would be played by…

this random, box of pizza that costs $9.99

Who do you think should play the candidates in a movie? Share your thoughts in the comments section.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

4 Types of Movies That Keep Getting Recycled

I thoroughly enjoy watching movies, but lately, I’ve noticed that a lot of movies look very similar. I watch the trailers, and I swear I have deja vu. It’s like when I watch the trailers, I swear I have deja vu.

So I started investigating to see which movies were extremely similar in style, theme and plot. And during my search, I found that there are 4 types of movies that keep getting recycled.

4. Movies about women getting revenge– If these movies have taught me anything, it’s that you should never piss off women, especially if they are undercover agents, spies or armed with any type of weapon.

an angry woman
I can’t see her hands, so I’ll just assume she has a switch blade or a rocket launcher.

I’m not picking on women here, but I have noticed that this plot gets used over and over and over. A woman gets betrayed, she gets pissed, she kills a bunch of people who wronged her and….roll the credits. I just gave away the ending to most of those movies. My apologies.

Examples: Columbiana, Salt, Haywire, Kill Bill, The Brave One, and I’m sure there are more I’m leaving out.

Even though this does get used a lot, I do find some of these films enjoyable. For instance, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo was really good. But maybe Hollywood should step away from this plot for a while and see if they can come up with something else. Make some movies about angry men getting revenge…oh wait that’s been done to death too!

Death Sentence
Once you use Kevin Bacon in a movie about revenge, you’ve pretty much milked it for all it’s worth.

3. Horror films made like documentaries or with “found” footage– If I ever find a video camera in the woods or in a house and it’s got a tape in it, you better believe that I’m not going to touch it. Not because I’m afraid of what’s on the tape, I’m just afraid to have my name associated with a movie that gets less than 5% on Rotten Tomatoes.

This type of movie was innovative when the Blair Witch Project came out, but you can’t expect me to believe that there is that much “found” footage just floating around the world, just laying somewhere, perfectly edited.

I would also like to point out that every time a movie comes out in this genre, the reviews get worse and worse. Don’t believe me? Just look at these reviews from Rotten Tomatoes.

Blair Witch Project…85%

Paranormal Activity…83%

The Last Exorcism…73%

Apollo 18…25%

The Devil Inside…6%

chess
Check and mate!

So Hollywood, the next time you find footage, just leave it alone. The only people who will see it are gullible morons who think that eventually one of these movies will be really good. And yes, I am one of those gullible morons. So save me a seat.

2.  Movies about dancing- Every time I see a trailer for a movie about dancing, I really just can’t understand it. How many movies can you make about dancing? To me, it just gets tiring after a while.

The ones that really get me are the Step Up movies. Basically, it’s about gangs dancing against one another to prove how cool they are.

dance crew from Step Up
“Keep talking about my mama and I’ll kill you with these sweet dance moves!”

Whatever happened to gangs fighting and beating each other up? Instead they are dancing to show who is the biggest and baddest. I’ve never seen that happen in real life. But just imagine what that would be like.

Gang member 1: “Yo man, you better shut your mouth about my girl!”

Gang member 2: “Oh yeah, well what are you gonna do about it?”

Gang member 1: “Let me slip on my ballet slippers and I’ll show you, fool.”

Side not: If gangs danced, I’d probably stand a better chance of being cool enough to join one.

a nerd dancing
Watch out gentlemen, I’m about to do the Twist.

I guess it just bothers me to see such talent wasted. You see all these big guys who look like they are going to murder each other in an amazing action scene and then they break out and start dancing with each other. Ridiculous! And also well choreographed. There’s no way all those dance sequences are spontaneous!

Examples: Step Up 1-3, Stomp the Yard, How She Move, Footloose, and I’m embarrassed that I can name that many off the top of my head.

1. Movies about aliens– In 2011, Hollywood thought that aliens would become the new vampires. A ton of movies came out using aliens. Aliens were in comedies (Paul), action movies (Cowboys and Aliens), horror films (Apollo 18) kid’s animated movies (Mars Needs Moms), superhero movies (The Green Lantern), blockbusters (Super 8) and really sucky movies (I Am Number 4 and Battle Los Angeles). Hopefully in 2012, they will back off.

a guy bathing in money
“But aliens make me so much money! Screw quality! Money money money!”

At this point, if aliens ever invaded the Earth, I probably wouldn’t be afraid. I’m pretty sure Hollywood has covered every possible scenario and has shown us numerous ways we can survive. And if all else fails, we’ll just call Will Smith and he will save the day. After all, he has been in Independence Day and Men In Black 1-3. So at this point he is an alien expert.

What types of movies do you see getting recycled a lot? Share your thoughts and opinions in the comment section.

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