Lanny's Blog

A Letter To Jason Statham

Mr. Statham,

First of of all, let me say that I have enjoyed a few of the movies that you have been in. Of course, most of the movies I enjoyed were because of the other actors, but nevertheless, you were in them.

I thought Snatchwas an absolutely brilliant film. Sure you were in Brad Pitt’s shadow the whole time, however you did an excellent job.

It just seems like when you star in a movie, you keep playing the same character and you keep repeating the same plot. We get it…you’re a badass, you’re really good at karate and you enjoy shooting people.

I’m ashamed to say this, but I started referring to your movies as Transporter sequels. For instance, you have a new movie coming out called Parker, but I refer to it as, The Transporter 7.

I understand that you’re an action movie kind of guy, but I also believe that you can spread your wings and do something different. Now I’m not telling you to go down the same path as Gerard Butler and start making chick-flicks or movies about surfing and soccer. I’m just asking you to take a break from action movies.

Playing For Keeps poster

How do you go from 300 to this?

Look, it’d be different if there was some difference or new flavor to your movies. But you pretty much play the same character over and over again. You’re always some guy who has to face impossible odds in order to save someone or kill someone. And along the way you fight a group of bad guys (with your shirt off) and show off your karate moves and you sleep with the female lead. Also, on most posters you are pointing or holding a gun.

Also, you always seem to pick movies with horrible titles that any 10 year old could have made up. The Transporter, Death Race, Safe, Crank and Parker are all pretty unoriginal movie titles.

And yes, I know you tried to branch out with the kid’s movie Gnomeo & Juliet, but let’s face it, no one really knew you were in that movie. I only know because I stumbled across it on IMDB.  And you only gave your voice to it, so technically it doesn’t really count.

I understand that action movies are your bread and butter. The only problem is that the bread is moldy and the butter is dog feces. And you just keep spreading it and spreading it thinking that no one will notice.

Don’t get me wrong here, Mr. Statham, I have enjoyed some moments from your movies. I really enjoyed the original Transporter and your movies do have some pretty good action scenes. With the exception of the time you flipped your car and a crane pulled a bomb off the bottom.

That was just plain ridiculous and you know it.

I guess the point I’m trying to make it that I think you can do better and you’re selling yourself short, man. But then again, what do I know? Stay on the same path if you want, and I’ll keep my eyes open for more sequels to The Transporter, or even worse, The Expendables 3.

Expendables 2 poster

Yikes.

Yours truly, madly and deeply,

Some random guy.

What’s your favorite or least favorite Jason Statham movie? Tell me about it in the comments.

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