Lanny's Blog

3 Hairstyles I’ll Never Like

Let me start off by saying that I have no room to give advice or criticism when it comes to fashion or style. If you tell me to dress up, that usually means I’ll throw on my jeans without holes and perhaps a polo.

Batman shirt
But underneath that polo, you better believe I’m rocking a superhero shirt.

Also, I don’t have a lot of room to poke fun at anyone else’s hair. I go long periods without  cutting mine, and I pretty much just let it do whatever it wants. So I have good days and bad days. Mostly bad days.

So even though I’m completely unqualified when it comes to these things, I must say that there are 3 hairstyles that I’ll never like.

3. Mohawks– I’m not saying that I hate all mohawks, just the ones that are ridiculously long and the ones that are brightly colored.

a purple mohawk
Thanks for the great example. I’m sure his parents are so proud.

Mohawks are commonly associated with the punk rock culture. Here’s a little fact for you; mohawks are actually pretty high maintenance. Who would have thunk it?

Maintenance includes shaving and trimming the sides of the head. Also, in order to get your hair to stand at attention, like in the picture, it requires blow drying, brushing and tons of product to make it stay in place.

I don’t have a problem with short mohawks or fauxhawks, but the really eye-catching, brightly colored spikes just bother me. I don’t care if you’re guy or a girl, no one looks cool with a mohawk.

Mr. T

Mr. T wears shiny jewelry in order to distract you from his ridiculous haircut.

2. Short Bangs– This hairstyle applies more to the ladies than it does to men. Personally, I think girls look good with long hair or short hair, but not something that is in-between.

Katy Perry
This haircut might be Katy Perry’s second biggest mistake. The first, of course, is Russell Brand.

I guess I understand the burden that women face. They want long hair, but don’t want their hair in their eyes. And…okay, honestly I can’t really think of an excuse for something like this.

I don’t have a problem with bangs, it’s that I just don’t like them short when a girl’s hair is long. It just looks kind of goofy to me.

I guess what I’m trying to say it that women should choose one or the other. Go short or leave it all long. But that’s just my opinion. Don’t get me wrong, if Katy Perry cut her hair differently, I’d most likely still go after her even after she had her hands all over that English moron.

Russell Brand
At least Russell doesn’t go for the short bang look. He just looks for things to bang. Zing!

1. Mullets– I think it’s safe to say that mullets are universally frowned upon. No one, and I mean no one can pull off a mullet. It’s just impossible.

Billy Ray Cyrus
It must be weird to be more famous for your mullet than for your music.

This hairstyle began appearing in the 60s and 70s and grew in popularity until the mid 90s. Some really famous people even sported this disaster. Stars such as David Bowie, Paul McCartney and David Cassidy all had mullets at one point in their careers. And every now and then, when you least expect it, you’ll find someone who sports a mullet. It’s like finding a four-leaf clover or catching a leprechaun. Or maybe it’s more like catching an STD? I’m not sure.

One of the famous phrases that explains this hairstyle is “business in the front and party in the back.”  I’ve come up with a few phrases of my own that might work too:

“Bad idea in the front, it get worse in the back.”

“I love my cousin in the front, inbreeding in the back.”

“Nascar in the front, spousal abuse in the back.”

Those are fun. If you come up with a fun mullet expression like these, share them in the comments.

Honestly, what it really boils down to, is that I’m jealous because I can’t pull off a glorious hairstyle like the mullet. One of these days, maybe I can pull it off, but for now I can only look at it in envy.

What haircuts do you not like? Share your thoughts in the comments!

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One thought on “3 Hairstyles I’ll Never Like

  1. Okay, the infamous comb over the dome for guys, most of all when it blows over in a stiff wind and hangs down the wrong side – and a bad dew for the ladies, is anything so poofed up that people behind you at the movies can’t see the picture. Funny post!

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