Lanny's Blog

Why Being a Real Life Superhero is a Bad Idea

Everyone has dreamed about being a superhero. It’s a normal phase that all kids go through. When I was a kid, everyone wanted to be Batman, Superman or Spider-Man.

aquaman

And then there was that weird kid who wanted to be Aqua Man. Nice dolphin, loser.

But when you really sit and think about it, being a superhero isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. In fact, there are some pretty crappy consequences to fighting crime and saving people all the time. In reality, it’s actually a good thing that we grow out of that superhero phase. Here are a few reasons why being a real life superhero is a bad idea:

1. You have to face a life altering tragedy– Think about it; all the really cool superheroes had to go through some life altering, horrible tragedy that they have to live with for the rest of their lives. For instance, Bruce Wayne’s parents got shot in front of him, Peter Parker’s uncle got shot, and Superman’s planet got destroyed, killing his family and all of his friends.

james van der beek crying

I know James Van Der Beek, it makes me sad too.

So if you have to face some huge tragedy to be a superhero, you might want to reconsider. That stuff will haunt you the rest of your life, especially if it was your fault. (Peter Parker)

2. Low Life Expectancy– If you became a superhero in real life, let’s face it, you would most likely be killed at an early age. If you’re getting shot at and dealing with crazy criminals on a regular basis, eventually you are going to slip up. Even in the comics, they have killed off heroes. Captain America got assassinated and Robin got killed by the Joker.

Robin

Let’s be honest. No one misses Robin.

In the comics, they can resurrect characters or make up plots that take place in different dimensions. In the real world, that’s it. You’re dead. There’s no clever way of coming back from it. So if you have plans to see your grandchildren grow up, you might want to pick a better profession. Speaking of looking out for you family…

3. You’ll be poor– Superheroes apparently don’t make a lot of money. Every superhero has to work a regular job in order to pay the bills, with the exception of Bruce Wayne and Tony Stark. So if you work all day and then fight crime all night, you’re going to be sleepy. And don’t you dare think about falling asleep at work, because the rent is due and you can’t lose this job. Then again, you can’t fall asleep when trying to save someone’s life because they will end up dead. There’s so much pressure!

The only thing you could do, if you couldn’t hold down a job, is to become a criminal and use your powers to rob banks. But then you go against your principles and let down all the little children that look up to you and want to become just like you.

kid crying

Congratulations! You just screwed this kid up for life.

So there you have it. Being a superhero isn’t all it’s cut out to be. In real life, superheroes would just be miserable most of the time.

spider-man kissing

Spoiler Alert: You probably wouldn’t get the hot babe either. She likes guys with jobs and money.

Well, now that I’ve depressed myself with this post, let’s get some positivity going on. Tell me a few reasons why it would be great to be a superhero or tell me which superhero you always wanted to be and why. And don’t you dare say Aqua Man! Let me know your opinions in the comments section!

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3 thoughts on “Why Being a Real Life Superhero is a Bad Idea

  1. Arthur Curry on said:

    What’s wrong with Aquaman?!

  2. 70 second minute run on said:

    all super heros would lose to the undisputed greatest super hero of all time….Thunder Cats, WOOOOOAAAHHHHHH!

  3. The Whizzer on said:

    You forgot to mention the pressures of finding a great costume and name.
    Superheroes with lame names have no respect or street cred. Really, “The Whizzer” ?? Oh, but they shortened it to Whiz…

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